I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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