Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
