try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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