I murdered the dance floor call the cops
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
