I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
