We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
