The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
