I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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