dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
