; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am puke
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
