In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
