it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
