so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
