On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
