My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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