please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
