Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
