dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
