She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
