It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
