So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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