I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
