problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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