Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
