Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
