Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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