The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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