Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
