I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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