By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
