Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
