the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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