so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
