My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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