You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
