Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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