Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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