You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
