I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
