Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
