Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
