and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
