I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
