can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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