a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
