I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
