That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
