Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you still have your period?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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