Got a toothbrush?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
