i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
