I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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