That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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