remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
