yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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