May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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