Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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