I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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