i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
