he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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