he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
