their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
