will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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