We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
