trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
