If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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