...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
