You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
