walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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