i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
