Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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